Happy 1 month!

February 22, 2012 By 1 Comment

Today I held you for as long as you let me – which was pretty much all day.

I let the dishes pile up.

I let the laundry wrinkle.

I let the beds stay unmade.

I realized when I woke up that you’ll be a month old tomorrow.

Where did time go?

The majority of your first month was spent in the hospital.  We watched you thrive, we watched you suffer, we watched you struggle, we watched you fight.

As a month in my life passes, no matter where we spent it, I’m incredibly blessed you have been in it.

Too many of your heart buddies have earned their wings recently.  Too many messages about babies meeting God far too soon.

Too many mamas hearts broken.  To many Daddies feeling helpless.

To talk about loss now, is not like it was when I was carrying you.

Now – I know you.

You’re my buddy.  You’re my Bird.  I know you’re cry.  I know how you feel in my arms.  I know every look.  I look into your eyes everyday.  I smooth back your hair while you sleep.

You’re Daddy’s boy.  You’re Isabelle’s brudder. You are the final puzzle piece to our family – you make us whole.

As a month passes, I count my blessings you’re here with us.

As a month passes, I know we are one step closer to your first surgery. A risky surgery that we have no choice but to have done on your little heart.  It may be one of many.  It’s also just one too many.

When Daddy and I made the decision to let you fight, I knew that everyday would be hard.

I didn’t realize it would be this hard.

I didn’t know I could love this deep.  I didn’t know fear this great.  I didn’t understand what really caring for a child meant.

So far – you’ve surpassed my every expectation of mine.  Sure – you feed from a tube.  Sure I have to take vitals every 4 hours.  Sure – I’m up every 2 hours with you.  But, you’re better than I could have ever imagined.

I love you, Bird.  I love you more and more everyday.  I love that you love being held.  I love that you love to eat. I love that you love when we sing songs.  I love that you love being rocked.

I love that you hate getting your diaper changed.  I love that hate bath time.  I love that you hate tummy time and mat time.

I love that your favorite place is in my arms.

Happy 1 Month, Evan.  Keep fighting son.

 

Non-fiction

February 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I received a really strange comment the other day – that I chose not to publish.  I was asked if my blog was “fiction.” What a made up story line my life would be.  There are some days where I can’t believe my life is what it is and there are days where I really [...]

Normal

February 12, 2012 By 1 Comment

Evan was snug in his sports onesie.  He was content.  We waited eagerly for Isabelle’s and Craig’s arrival back home. My family would be back together again.  Under the same roof….bliss. I heard the garage door open.  Excitement. I pulled back my freshly washed hair in a tight pony tail, put on some lip gloss.  [...]

Today.

February 10, 2012 By 2 Comments

“He looks good.  Once we get everything squared away, we’ll get you guys out of here and and let you go home!” Whoa. The doctor said the word.  The “H” word. Home. I’m excited.  I’m scared.  I’m thankful. I look at my precious boy, my heart becomes whole for him, and I can’t believe the [...]

Moments

February 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

My Evan is sick. Strange for me to bring that up, huh?  Especially since I ask daily for prayers for my boy. I’m sad for him. His heart is sick and there is no “cure” for a CHD.  Just operations to get him almost whole… But, there have been moments lately where I forget that [...]

Home.

February 7, 2012 By 3 Comments

“What time are you leaving work?” I asked Craig. “Probably around 4:30 PM. “Great.  See you at home.” I replied. I hung up the phone and looked around. A hospital bed, monitors, a fold out couch…suddenly I realized…this was now home. At least for now. I packed our hospital bag over the weekend when I [...]

Wear Red for Evan

February 3, 2012 By Leave a Comment

February is the month of hearts. No….not Valentine’s Day. The month of broken hearts actually. This month is Congenital Heart Disease Awareness Month. Today – many of us – will wear RED – in honor of those children fighting a CHD and those children who earned their Angel Wings far too soon. So today, wear [...]