#50

50 Days to go….

Holy countdown, Batman! Only 50 days left!!

Last night, much to Daddy’s dismay, we watched the “Family Man” with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
So. GOOD.

For the first time in a very long time, Daddy and I are settled….well for now.

I think this is the first time since we’ve been married that we’re actually going to be in the same place for a while.

School is on hold….well….not sure for how long.

It’s a strange and great feeling all wrapped into one present from God.

I’ve always been so driven. I’ve always wanted to be the woman with the career, the family, the life, the money…with it all.

Then, Daddy and I found out that we were having you. It turned my world upside down. I had to face the reality that I’m not as multi-tasking as I would like to think I am. I’m not built to have “it all.” I like to do things well and do them 100%….and I knew that something would have to give – my career, my marriage, you…

I know women do it everyday – they have the career, raise the family, have the marriage, make the money. I applaud them. But, I’m no longer envious of them.

The past few weeks have been so humbling to me. I had to let go of so much of the things that were – are – important to me. When your health depended on my decisions – I had to slow down, relax, stop stressing, stop worrying. All of a sudden – I truly realized – it wasn’t about me. I had to take a hit to my pride and admit that I may not be able to do it all. I had to be ok with the reality that I may have to put some of my dreams aside to make sure that you and our little three person, two dog family was going to make it.

I had to re-play the conversations Daddy and I would have as he would plead to me to slow down for you and for me.

I had to stop thinking “but what about me???”

Because now, it’s not just about me. It’s about you, your health, a promise I made to my husband, a covenant I made with God when I said my vows – to put our marriage above all else…and the blessing of a child that comes with the powerful union of marriage.

So, I had to stop being selfish and try to find the self-less in me…

I was in tears again – I know Little One….surprise, surprise 😉 as we watched “The Family Man.”

Because I think I’ve been given glimpses of both worlds I could have – and now – after a lot of soul searching – I can honestly say I am happy and content with saying to our family of three…

“I choose us.”

Keep growing, Sweet Girl…we love you so much!