#53

53 Days to go…

Morning, Little One!

Last night Daddy was about 30 minutes late coming home from work. He works about 30 minutes from home and there’s always a chance of traffic but he leaves early enough from work to miss most of it.

But yesterday, he hit some traffic and was running late.

What did I do?

Scenario 1 – Think to myself that “Oh – he probably hit traffic.” And go on with my day.

Scenario 2 – Think to myself “He probably got into a wreck and now I can’t get a hold of him because he’s hurt.”

If you guessed scenario 2, Sweet Girl, you are right.

Why do I do this? Why do I think the absolute, worse case scenario ever?

He walked in the door, said he hit some traffic, gave me a kiss hello, said hi to you and the pups…and I burst into tears.

I can’t blame the pregnancy hormones because I’ve done this for as long as I can remember. I don’t know if it’s in my nature to be pessimistic like this – but I know that I can’t do this when you get here.

Now that you’re still an inside baby – even though I can’t control how you’re growing – I at least can feel you move and hear your heart beat and know you’re safe inside my belly.

When you become an outside baby – that’s when the uber worrying starts. Daddy says it’s classic me. He has heard me tell friends that we can do all we can to protect you from harm but ultimately – you will get sick, you will get hurt, and I’ve only been blessed to have you for as long as God intends. It doesn’t make me feel better – but I think I say it over and over again to convince myself that I am ok with NOT being able to shield you from all of life’s problems.

I didn’t know I could love you so much without you even being “here.” I just have to continue to pray for you, pray for Daddy and I to be good parents and pray that God gives me peace rather than the anxiety that I have over things I cannot control.

For now, Little One, just keep on growing! We love you!