#81

81 Days to go…

Morning, Little One!

I had lunch with one of your boyfriends yesterday and his Mommy.

Luke and Adeline met us for lunch and we sat and talked for two hours. You know what the sign of a good lunch date is? When both of us ended up crying at some point during our lunch date.

She talked about how fast Luke is growing up and much she loves being at home with him.

I watched her talk about Luke and care for him during our lunch and as always the fear of being a good mother set in.

More than anything, Little One, I want you to be healthy. I want to feel you kick everyday, I want to hear your sweet, strong heart beat when I listen to it on the monitor, I want to see that you’ve grown and that all your body are body parts are developing the right way, I want to take care of myself so that I can be the best place for you to grow until you’re ready to join Daddy and I, I want to hear your cries when we first meet you, see all your fingers and toes, look into your eyes, and kiss your perfect face.

Mom’s out there get this…they understand all these feelings I’m having but for me – I am sure they are just escalated. Sometimes I hate that I have the knowledge that I have (thanks a LOT medical school) because I know what can go wrong, does go wrong, and may go wrong during the pregnancy and delivery. Ignorance is bliss…and I can attest to that.

As I laid in bed last night, and as usual, I was up most of the night – I laid there afraid of all the things that could go wrong and might go wrong. I worried about being a good mom, worried about how being a parent is going to affect Daddy and I, and worried about all the little details – getting your room together, making sure we have all that you need…

Every morning I have quiet time. I’ve done this since I went to medical school and because I was in Dominica, this has been practice of mine for the past two years. I journal and have my daily conversation with God. I talk to Him through my words that I write and through the thoughts I have in my heart and in my head. I thank Him for the blessing and trials He’s put in my life, ask for forgiveness for any and all that I’ve done wrong, and pray, pray, pray….

Then, I open up the Bible and let Him talk to me. Sometimes I read the Word and have to really study it to understand what He’s saying to me. But today, His message to me was pretty clear cut.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.” John 14:1

Talk about a swift kick in the __________.

I am a worrier about any and all things and God needs me to STOP….seriously…STOP and trust in Him. For someone like me that likes to control everything, I needed this reminder that I don’t control anything – even your growth, your health and your happiness, Sweet Baby.

So, I thanked God for speaking to me yet again. There is no one that I can trust more with Daddy’s life, my life, and your life. And, aren’t we so blessed that we have a God that takes on that responsibility for us…so willingly and lovingly.

I thanked Him again for all the blessings and I thanked Him AGAIN for one my best blessings – YOU!

Keep growing, Sweet Baby!