A hard day – for me

I woke up crying today.

I looked over and Craig wasn’t there.  There was no one to talk to in the hotel room.  He sent me a text saying he missed me and hoped I could meet him and Isabelle for dinner.  I miss my best friend.

I woke up crying because it’s been almost a week since I held Evan.

I miss the weight and the warmth of his body in my arms. I miss the cramping in my shoulders from my stillness – when I was still because I would fear waking up my boy and disturbing his slumber.

I got to the hospital and I walked in his room.

He opened his eyes and looked so out of it.  So heavily drugged to keep him calm and for his pain.

I cried again – missing the moments I would just stare into his eyes and Evan would look back at me.  Searching my face – learning about me.

His face scrunched up, his lower lip turned down, suddenly turning red.

He’s crying.

But, silence

Tears.

Just, silence.

I miss hearing him cry.

But, he’s still here.

He’s healing.

He’s fighting.

He’ll be himself soon.

Soon, I pray.  My boy will be himself soon.