Careful…

…what you pray for!

God is funny.

Seriously – don’t you love it when He does something in your life and in the moment you don’t realize it’s something you actually prayed for?

And have you had times where you feel like He’s telling you “No” to something you’ve prayed for over and over again but later – may be days, months, or even years – you realize His yes in the moment you are struggling through.

Ok – maybe it it’s just me.  Maybe I just don’t have the sense of humor God needs me to have.  Maybe I try to do too much planning and not enough praying.

But, lately, I’ve had quite a bit of time to reflect and really think about the things I’ve prayed for and how God is revealing Himself to me.

Prayer:  God, I want to have another child. I pray that it’s a boy and I hope I can love him as much as I love Isabelle.

Answer:  Well…He answered, huh? Craig and I got pregnant on the first “try.”  We didn’t expect it to happen so soon.  We also didn’t think we’d get the son I prayed for.  But, God has given me both.  A child and the son I desperately wanted for Craig.  And the fear of not loving him as much as Iz….totally ridiculous.  Evan’s diagnosis has shown me something so deep and so real about a parent’s love in a way I haven’t experienced with Isabelle.  It’s been painful to love so deep for a child I haven’t laid eyes on yet.  It’s also given me extreme joy in being a parent – truly counting blessings day to day – for the time I get with Iz and the future I pray for Evan.

Prayer:  I hope I get to spend as much time with Baby #2 as I did with Isabelle.

Answer:  Ummm…well looks like me and E will be best buds!  I was able to stay at home with Isabelle full time until she turned 18 months and the bakery business my sister and I started took off.  I told my sister/business partner that I would take 3 – 4 months after Evan’s birth and come back full time.  I started working full time with Isabelle and suddenly had to stop working because of placenta previa and bleeding when I was 14 weeks pregnant with Evan.  Then, we got the diagnosis about E’s heart and realized my life for the next few years would be full of doctor’s appointments and taking care of him.  Funny, huh?

Prayer:  I don’t feel close to you anymore, God.

Answer:  You get pretty intimate with God when you are in pit of hopelessness.  I suddenly found myself hungry to know Him – in hopes of getting answers to the “why’s” that were plaguing my mind.  I also found myself praising Him for so much I took for granted.  I praised Him in the darkest moments – the moments where you are begging for a glimmer of hope – then you realize – the hope and His faithfulness has always been there you just were blinded by the Earthly pain of the problem to see it.  At times I feel far from Him still, only because I can’t “feel” Him near.  And it’s not Him – He reveals His goodness in my everyday.  I am just so wrapped up in my fear of what is to be (and fear is NOT of God) that I surround myself with that fear instead of the peace and comfort of Him.

Prayer:  I feel guilty for the time that will be taken away from Isabelle.  I hope I get to spend some one on one time with her.

Answer:  Iz has been sick and I can’t bring her to daycare.  She is also scheduled for surgery for tubes for her ears so Craig and I decided to keep her home until her surgery on the 20th.  So, it’s been me and Iz.  Me and a two year old that is trying to be independent but still wears Dora jammies.  I love her…but I have forgotten how hard being a stay at home mom is and how challenging it is to keep a toddler busy.  Thank God for Nick, Jr.

God is funny.

Careful what you pray for!  He just might give you exactly what you want…and need.

 

 

Comments

  1. I love this post and seeing how God has answered your prayers. And totally agree that the fears etc that come with hsving a “heart baby” increase your intimacy with the Savior so much! 🙂