The enormity of the day has fallen on my shoulders.
In my effort to “live in the present” and capture the greatness of 2013 for all that it is and will be…I have been enjoying every single second with my best girl and best boy. I have relished in the party planning for Evan’s big day.
It is amazing how quickly time flies when at times during the past year it felt like it stopped multiple times…slowed down in agonizing seconds…minutes crawling along at snails pace.
I’ve been doing the normal birthday party prep. Getting goody bags ready, planning games, buying candy…oodles and oodles of candy.
I’ve been celebrating my boy with every balloon purchase, toy give away buy, streamer bought.
Then…this week arrived.
I was called by his cardiologist to move up his heart ECHO (a sonogram of his heart) because of a scheduling issue. It will be the first picture of his heart since his surgery…where we will see if what the surgeon did is working for my boy.
I was called by the craniofacial department to schedule his full cleft lip and palate repair.
I was sent texts, emails, Facebook messages by friends who can no longer make it to his birthday…the cold and flu season taking victim to each of my guests. None of them wanting to put Evan at risk of getting sick.
The normal of the planning…the normal of our life….shattered once again.
It’s hard to live in the joy of the day when you are always reminded of the heart aches that surround your life.
I am trying to hold it together as much as possible. Really just trying to be strong and joyful in the moment that is coming up.
My boy will be turning a year old in less than a week. We will be singing happy birthday to my son in a couple of days….I’ll get to see him smash into his cake, wear his special party shirt, take loads of pictures..trying to capture the memories of the day.
I’m celebrating it in grand style…not just because of all he – we – have endured as a family this year.
I’m celebrating with such fan fare because less than half of babies with his heart condition make it to their first birthday.
I’m celebrating in such grandiose fashion because with his very special heart…only 85% make it to the next staged surgery…and of that 85%…only 65% make it to kindergarten.
I get this birthday…this milestone…I have been given this incredible gift of him just being here….today…
Every birthday I get for him…every year I get to plan a celebration of him being HERE….is a milestone that I promise to party hardy for not just him…but for others like him..who didn’t make it…for mothers like me…who didn’t get to buy the party hats, the noise makers…
But today…as I held Evan while he slept….all 20lbs of my chumba wumba laying on me…I was brought back to the purpose of his birthday as I felt his heart beat against mine.
With each “lub dub” of his heart and rise of his chest…I was reminded once again of the miracle that is before me.
The miracle of his beating heart…his life.
I don’t need to wait on January 22nd of every year to wish my son a happy birthday. I don’t need an excuse to throw a party, buy a party hat, indulge in candy….because each day is a “happy birthday.”
Everyday. Everyday I get to celebrate his birth…his life…..everyday that he is here and his heart still beats….I get to celebrate.
So…I’m inviting you…my blog readers, my Facebook prayer warriors, family and friends…to join me in celebration of not just Evan’s life…but life.
I’m inviting you on Tuesday, January 22, at 5:01 PM – when Evan took his first breath in this world – to stop and celebrate life…maybe your child’s, maybe your loved ones, maybe a friend…maybe your own.
Feel the life in your breath….the miracle of your beating heart.
And celebrate.
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