Dear Mary

Dear Mary,

I’m coming to you – not because I can’t go to your son – but because you’re a mom like me.

I know you understand the fear I have right now.  The unknown of what’s to become of your son.

When the Angel spoke to you and told you you’d give birth to a boy, His life would hold so much purpose and hope, but yet  God would take Him from you – how did you feel?

Did you feel like I do now?

God has promised me a future with Evan. He has spoken to my heart and shown me glimpses of us as a family – Evan healthy, vibrant, full of life.

Did you live in fear everyday?  Or did you have so much faith that you’d get many, many years with Jesus?

How did you do it?  How did you hold onto your faith with such steadfastness?

I’m sure you’re like me, when Jesus got the sniffles or a tummy ache, you’d worry and panic.

But, I’m sure you still praised God without any reservation.

And, I’m trying.  Please know – that I am.  I can’t express my extreme gratitude for God giving us Evan – despite his heart defect and cleft.  He has given me so much already – shown me so much about living in faith and loving in hope.  Evan has shown so many what a fighting spirit he has.

But, it’s hard.  From one mom to another – you never want to see your child suffer.

But, you did.  You saw Jesus suffer for all of us. You saw Him in pain.  You wiped His tears.  You held your Son during His time of suffering.

I’m trying to be more like you – Mary and more like your Son.  I’m trying to love Evan like you loved Jesus – with hope of tomorrow and the with the promises of a future – spoken by God.  I’m trying to be strong through Evan’s suffering.

I’m trying to be like  your Jesus – showing those that living in faith is worth it, showing kindness to others in their times of need – which being in the hospital I am able to do that much more often – praying with another parent, praying for another child in need, telling others about God and the Gospel through my actions and words.

As a mom, the love for your child goes deep.  So the pain you feel for them is just as great.

Mary, I talk to your Son everyday.  I ask Him to heal my boy.  I ask Him to watch over and protect Him.  I thank Him for all He’s already done for Evan.

I know He’s listening.  I know He hears me.

It’s just so hard, as a mom, to just be still.

So, thank you, Mary.  Thank you for listening to me – from one mom to another.

– Czarina


  1. Czarina,
    This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing this!!!

  2. Joanne Hines says:

    I have often wondered about the things the Bible leaves unsaid about Mary. I have asked the questions you ask, but I didn’t have the experience of watching my child suffer, as you have. Maybe someday, you can sit down in heaven beside her, and share notes, as two women who have something in common. God bless you.

  3. Once again, thank you for your raw honesty.

  4. I love this. Brings tears to my eyes. The desperation is real and He knows your pain. Have faith and know that God answers prayers prayers.