Happy Mother’s Day!

I’m sitting in my kitchen this morning surrounded by dirty dishes, two dogs that are begging to go outside, Evan happily swinging in his swing while he gets fed by his feeding pump.

There is a mound of laundry waiting to be washed, folded, put up – a mixture of Craig’s work shirts, maternity pants (yes….I still happily wear them almost 4 months post baby), Dora and Princess panties, and onesies adorned with dinosaurs, robots, and baseballs.

I’ll walk into my bathroom and probably trip over a toy as I try to get into my shower.  There is a dolphin waiting to be bathed, a duck waiting to go swimming, and an oversupply of the best smelling baby bath wash – while I pound my own shampoo and conditioner bottles to get a drop for my hair that hasn’t been washed in a few days – since I’ve failed yet again to buy more.

There’s a very good chance I’ll find a Goldfish or a fruit snack tucked away in the couch.  There’s a 100% chance I’ll find a tiny morsel in my car on the floor boards…where they tend to gather and multiply like magic.

I remember my beautiful house that I decorated meticulously when we first moved in over 3 years ago – pre-babies – with leather couches, paintings, mocha colored furniture and all sorts of shades of neutral – to give my house the calm, put together look out of a page of a home magazine.

Now….my house is a now a home…the neutrals are cut with bright, bold colors of masterpieces made with tiny, hands, the furniture is now lost in a sea of toys, and there is rarely a moment of calm anymore – with two kids – there’s always a tear to dry, a story to listen to, a song to sing, a bottom to wipe, a toy to find, a hungry mouth to feed, a face to be kissed, a hug to give.

This Mother’s Day is incredibly special to me.  I feel like it’s my first again.  The immense pride I felt when I celebrated the first one – knowing that I joined a special sisterhood of women – known as Mommy, Mama, Moms…

This year I get to celebrate this Mother’s Day as a mom to a healthy, beautiful, compassionate, independent, little girl – my Iz.

I also get to celebrate this Mother’s Day as a heart mom to my heart warrior Evan – a little boy who loves life, has a wide cleft-filled, contagious smile – my cuddle bug that has won over the hearts of so many with his brave, fight for his life.

It wasn’t that long ago when he was struggling during his recovery that I wondered if I would be at this Mother’s Day mourning Evan’s life instead of celebrating it.  But, God has given us the gift of many more sunrises and sweet lullaby nights.

Today, I don’t want to celebrate me…even though today is supposed to be about me.  I want to celebrate my two kids that have given me indescribable gifts – a heart that knows no limits to love, faith that is being tested and refined, and a purpose that was God given.

Today, I hope and pray that, as mother’s, we celebrate the imperfections of our life.  The messy house, the exhaustion, the busy schedules, the endless amount of chores….

I hope we celebrate the tantrums, the silliness, the laughter…

Because for me, I truly know how it feels to wonder about the mortality of my child.  Wonder if there will be a tomorrow..wonder if I’ll get to change another diaper, dry another tear, find another toy, do another load of laundry, kiss his sweet face, hold his tiny body.

I finally understand the incredible gift I’ve been given – this privilege to be a mother – a thankless, tireless, job – that brings out the worst in me and the best of me.

So on this Mother’s Day, I celebrate with thanksgiving that both of my children are here today.

I celebrate you, my fellow Mommy and Heart Mama, because today we get to raise our cups of coffee, spiked with Kahlua and say to each other, “Thank goodness for alcohol!”



  1. Elizabeth says:

    Happy Mother’s Day buddy. All very good reminders to me as I sit here (drinking my Kahlua spiked coffee 🙂 ) feeling sorry for myself that my hubby isn’t here to make me breakfast.

  2. Czarina!
    You are an amazing momma! I continue to stand in awe of your strength.
    Can I please come by, healthy, to help do some of that laundry? Or clean your house? You have your hands filled to the brim with more important things than these menial tasks.
    Please! Call me! Message me! Please let me come by to serve.