I took a walk

I needed a break to clear my mind of the junk that was flooding it.

I didn’t want to leave the hospital so I decided to walk the floors and the lobby area just to clear my head.

Sometimes you don’t realize why you’re driven to do something, until you’re actually in the motions of doing that certain something.

As I walked the lobby and walked the floor, I saw children of all ages – babies, toddlers, teens.

I saw tired Mamas like me.  Worried Daddy’s like Craig.  Siblings caught in the crossfire of home and hospital for their brother or sister.

I saw babies in strollers with no hair…clearly from cancer treatments.

I saw adults playing with baby toys – they were still children in their mind – a mental disability in front of me.

I saw a pretty teenage girl laugh from her wheelchair.

I saw tears on faces.  I heard cries of pain.

And I realized – I wasn’t alone.

I realized that we have been in patient for over 30 days and I haven’t prayed for another soul in this hospital.

I needed to take that walk – God needed me to take that walk – for me to see the suffering of others so I could pray for them.

Of course I’ll continue to ask for prayers for Evan.  But, now, I see that I don’t just need to pray for him, but to pray for others.

Others are suffering and I have been so fixated on Evan and the suffering I’m going through, I’ve failed to do what I am supposed to do – and that’s pray for others.

I’m convinced that there are thousands praying for my boy.  Maybe it’s just wishful thinking – but I’ve asked so many people to share his story and to pray for him – that I feel good that the Heaven’s know Evan’s name.

So today and here on out, my prayers will start others.

It will start for the little girl Iz’s age, too weak to walk, with an I.V. line I saw running from her tiny body.

It will start for the mother whom I saw walk quickly past me with tears streaming down her face.

It will start with the baby I saw being brought in by the transport team.

It will start with my fellow Heart Mama’s who just got the scary diagnosis that their child’s heart isn’t quite perfect.

It will start with my fellow Heart Mama’s who’s babies have been in the hospital since birth and they are Evan’s age.  For their children having such hard recovery after their surgery.  For their little ones having a hard time at home.  For the future doctor visits and procedures we all hold are breath for – ECHOs, heart caths, MRIs…

…for Jaxx, for Brynna, for Zeke, for Ro, for Xavier, for Lucas, for Bella, for Claire, for Roman…for so many more who’s hearts are mending.

I took a walk to clear my head…and God filled it with something better.