In h(H)is time

I asked Craig yesterday if he saw the picture I took of Evan on his first walk in his stroller.

Not a walk to a hospital or in a hospital, but a real walk, outside, just for fun.

He said, “That wasn’t his first walk.  We went on walks in March, right?”

I reminded him that we landed in the hospital early March and stayed there until April. By that time, Texas had already made it’s way into our hot summers with temperatures reaching into the 90s.

Evan’s heart couldn’t handle the heat, so we had to stay indoors.

God blessed us with a cold front – ha – a cold front for Texas anyways.

It’s been a perfect and beautiful 80 degrees mid mornings.

I took advantage of the weather and took Evan on his first walk.

He kind of fussed, initially, not quite sure what was going on.

But, once we got out into the sunshine, he was all smiles.

I saw his little feet kick to an imaginary song I’m sure was playing in his little head.

I could hear in squeal every few feet.

We walked to a nearby pond and I pointed out the ducks.

If his face could smile any wider…

The glee and laughter that escaped his perfect mouth when he saw the army of ducks waddle our way made my day…my week.

(I wanted to run in horror….birds are evil).

I got emotional talking with Craig about it.  I remember pushing Iz in that stroller.  She was in that stroller almost everyday from the moment she was 6 weeks old until she was too cool for school around 15 months.

It made me incredibly sad that my boy hadn’t experienced something so simple as a stroll outside.

And then…today… we were working on some exercises to help his fine motor skills.

Evan only “eats” therapeutically.  I only give him food to work on his oral skills.  He hasn’t yet mastered the ability to really “eat” normally – hindered first by his cleft but mainly hindered by his heart – not having the stamina to “eat” like normal babies.

I broke up a Mum Mum – a staple for Iz as she was learning to solids – so he could learn to pick up the food and work on grasping the food.  I didn’t expect him to put the Mum Mum his mouth…and eat it…like a normal baby.

But, he did.

He was a bit shocked when he first did it.  And it took a lot of coaxing for him to do it again…but he did it.

I was so incredibly proud.

We head out to a physical therapy evaluation tomorrow morning and another cardiology visit.

Crazy…but I’m not as concerned about he cardiology part.  I know that if he’s not doing well heart wise….then the doctors will figure out why and we’ll move forward…with either a new medication, a hospital stay, etc.

But, our therapy appointment weighs heavily on my heart.  I know that Evan will show the therapist what he can and can’t do.  From just his hospital stays alone, he’s about 4 months delayed.  It’s a hard pill to swallow since Iz was crawling by 6 months and walking by 11 months.

I know that once we get told where Evan is developmentally, we (him and I) will work towards getting him to where he needs to be.

I walk a fine line – not wanting to push him too hard (I mean..he just had heart surgery 2 weeks ago…) and needing to push him hard enough to get over the  little  mole hills that feel like mountains.

My boy will rely mainly on me and Craig – because therapy truly starts at home.

Like his first walk, like the first time Evan “fed” himself…I know that he’ll get to where he needs to be on his own time.

But, like everything else in his life, I know that I need to rely on His timing, too.

I may not have had my first walk with my boy until he was close to 8 months old.  I may not have seen Evan show interest in food until now.

I may not get to see him crawl for a few months.  I may not get to see him walk until he’s way over a year.

I may not see him “eat” normally for months and months down the line.

But, the best thing about all this, is that I have faith I’ll get to.  I’ll see my boy do all the things I prayed for – all of you are praying for…

In his own time….and in His time.