In the storm

I found myself thanking God for getting us through the other night when Evan struggled after his surgery.

He is still intubated and on a heavy dose of pain and sedatives but he is making slow progress.

Slow and steady wins the race – so our discussion today with both of the attendings in the ICU and his cardiologist was going slow in his recovery since he has been through so much.

He’s still not out of the woods.  My boy has been through 3 planned traumas – yes – traumas.  Anytime you cut and hurt your body – it’s considered a trauma.  And I, his mama, the one who’s supposed to protect him, has consented to 3 traumas on his frail body.

So, pray for him.  Continue to pray for him – diligently, purposefully, whole heartedly.

This morning – I found myself thanking God for getting us to today. And a thought crossed my mind – I didn’t thank Him or praise Him during the struggles.

When I’m in the storm – and painful episode and scary episode are raining down on Evan and our family – I have a tendency to curse God.  Angry, frustrated, resentful…

And, yes, I am human so I’m going to feel those emotions.  And yes, God is a forgiving and loving God, so He is merciful for my shortcomings.

But in the storm, I am learning to praise God amidst it all.

Because fear is not of God – He doesn’t want me to fear anything.  He wants me to rest assured that He’s got it.  His hand is all over Evan’s care.

I don’t want Evan to suffer.  I don’t want him to die.

But, God hasn’t let that happen.

He’s put us in a place where Evan is getting great – phenomenal – care.

His doctors and surgeons and nurses and care team – all top notch.

The dance of emergency – the beautiful and scary dance – they danced the other night was calculated.  Everyone knew their role.  They had an answer to every beep of the machine, every number that dropped.

It’s easier today than yesterday to praise God because today Evan has been stable for close to 24 hours.

But, it’s in the storm that God is teaching me to praise Him.

It’s in the storm that He is trying to hold me, protect me, assure me that Evan is going to be ok.

Today – it’s an easier day.  Today, I can take a breath, even if it’s just for a second.

Unfortunately, with Evan’s condition, we’ll have so many days of storms.  He’s still in the ICU.  His recovery is still tenuous.  And, remember, this is his first surgery – we still have an open heart surgery to pray for, cleft lip and palate surgeries, we have catheters…we have a lifetime of storms.

God is teaching me – through the suffering and the battle of my son – to praise Him.

I refuse to let the Enemy make me live in fear. I refuse to let Evan’s struggle and his fight to mean nothing.

My son is teaching me to Praise God in the storms….let him teach you, too.

 

Comments

  1. Teal Price says:

    Czarina, I can’t tell you how reading your words in this difficult time has touched my heart, mind and spirit. Brian and I have been thinking of you and praying for Evan. This inspires me to also praise God in the tough times. Not an easy thing to do, but definitely what we are called to do as Christians. We will pray for you and your husband to have peace of mind and for Gods hand of protection over Evan. Brian & Teal