It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes

GUILT – that is…

We’ve talked about the “G” word before.

But lately, I’m being bombarded with guilt all around.

Play guilt – the kind of guilt where you stick the kid in her bouncy while you check your email, stalk profiles on Facebook or just sit and watch T.V. And if the baby starts to get fussy in the bouncy – you put on some sort of kid show that either involves life size fuzzy monsters or inappropriate adult men singing to your kid – just to get another 10 minutes of “me” time – but after you’ve let your little one “play” – you pick her up and feel bad that you didn’t use that time to nurture her mind by singing songs about spiders or ducks that run away from home

Cleaning guilt – this is the guilt where your house is a wreck, your kid hasn’t been changed out of her jammies and it’s almost 4pm, and your husband is about to come home from a long day at the office. You half heartedly pick up here and there but know that moving is a better option than actually cleaning. But, you’re so tired from the day since you’ve been on Facebook – erm – caring for your kid that you don’t have the energy to clean. Then your husband walks in and sees the house in disarray – and offers to get you a maid since you are so overwhelmed with the baby (…or the internet).

Sickness guilt – this is the guilt that I just experienced – the guilt where you run every scenario from the past few days in your head. Could she have gotten sick from the grocery store, my parent’s house, the park, my in-laws house, the car, the stranger that touched the baby even after they read the sign on your carseat that clearly states “Don’t touch my kid or I’ll kick you in the nads…” or something to that effect. You cry when her fever spikes and feel terrible that you couldn’t have prevented the army of germs from infecting her body. You vow to stay indoors forever and never leave the house – you’re willing to risk cabin fever and a bout of “Red Rum” and reliving scenes from “The Shining” just to keep your kid well. Then you realize you can’t handle being indoors 24 hours a day – and head to Starbucks – and feel bad about that….

Breastfeeding guilt – the guilt where everything you eat makes the baby throw up – like her best impersonation of “The Exorcist” – you take everything out of your diet and realize man can live on bread and water alone. But, you sneak in a cube of cheese every now and then even though the baby can’t handle dairy – you pray she’s over her dairy sensitivity – but quickly realize she’s not when you are changing your sheets, your shirt and your baby after another vomiting episode. Then you feel bad you even tried eating like a normal person again.

Weaning guilt – the guilt that you face when you start to contemplate stopping breastfeeding. You long for the days of eating at restaurant without having to give the waiter a list of the things you can’t eat. You know in your heart that she’ll be just fine with formula but the thought of making her drink from a bottle and not your bubbies breaks your heart. You wonder of stopping is going to be a bad decision – like when you wore goucho pants. So – you decide to continue and put more money away for the day you’re getting the surgery to bring your bubbies back up to where they used to be.

Oh guilt. Say I’m not alone in this blog readers…because if I am – I’ll feel guilty about that 😉

Comments

  1. Ashley Coleman says:

    You so need to call me on this one…so many comments:) too funny

  2. etphonehome21 says:

    Guilt just makes you a good Mommy or I hope so for my sake. So good to see you last night and you made it 2 hours before the quilt took over… :) I'm ready for our double date anytime!

  3. You should write a book. I think you hit the nail on the head.

    My Mom and I took Caroline out shopping yesterday. Hopefully no germs entered the cocoon we made for her.

  4. czarina, i just love your candor and willingness to share! oh, the joys of being a mommy!!! 😉 yes, i can soooo relate to this post.
    i decided to stop being a blurker and go ahead and comment since i didn't want you to feel alone on the dreaded mommy guilt. 😉
    it just takes time to figure things out….it's a HUGE adjustment.

    hang in there! you're doing a great job!