Me; Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

Who’s the fairest of them all?

Mirror: Not you my dear, get new clothes. You’re better off in just your robe.

That’s what I heard from my mirror on Friday. What you don’t have a talking mirror? Go to SkyMall – they have everything there – and go get one.

A big night on Friday. My best friend from junior high celebrated her 30th birthday. So that meant my first night out to the bar with my husband. I wanted to look hot. Smokin’ hot. I wanted to wow his mind and remember once upon a time that I was a hot piece of a$$.

I wanted to feel sexy. I wanted to walk into the bar with my head up high, my bubbies defying gravity, hair flowing because it was finally washed and dried and styled…styled with product and not with spit up…

The quest for the smokin’ hot me began on Wednesday. I surveyed the closet and realized that it was slim pickins in the walk in closet. I had a mixture of maternity clothes – so they were too big, size 1 jeans from my skinnier, pre-baby days – so those were too small, but I had a couple of jeans that I had stretched to fit my post baby body – so those were just right.

I tried on the jeans – a pair I had purchased right after I had Iz. I bought them a little smaller than normal since I was positive I would lose the baby weight. Well – luckily I did lose the weight but the jeans looked different. Hmm…what was it?

They fit great – like a glove. What was it though? Something was wrong. They were boot cut cute and sat a little higher up than normal – those low cut, hip hugging, torture devices they call jeans – are no longer my friend since I birthed a babe.

I took a look in the mirror and realized….

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I was wearing MOM JEANS! The jeans that are high waisted, make your bottom look like a “W” and add on about 30 years to your life.

So – I tore off the comfy jeans and decided to suck it up and suck it in and wear a pair of low cut (aka – belly hang over), fitted (aka painted on), skinny (aka thigh/calf strangulation) jeans.

I checked out my shirt collections. Hmm…no nursing tanks tonight. Probably shouldn’t wear my Tech tshirts. I wanted to show a little sumthin’, sumthin’ – you know – to make the hubs blush and to help my self esteem. But, alas, nothing fit. The fiasco with the jeans didn’t give me many options – the belly hang over didn’t allow me to wear anything fitted….
So – I settled with a sweater. Black. A black sweater. Not timeless or classic – B.O.R.I.N.G.

The night arrived and I put on the outfit. Blech. I then vowed I would make my hair look hot. I would find a way to make it look sultry and wavy – the kind of hair that looks like I just rolled out of bed – but rolled out of bed in a sexy way.

Welp – that didn’t work. I just made it look greasy with all the product and tangled. So – back to the same hair-did – washed and dried…

My last resort – I’d make my face look hot. I wasn’t going to be a brown bag special. Nope – not tonight. I expertly applied my grocery store purchased make up – just because I’m almost 30 doesn’t mean I can’t sport Jane eye shadow or Bonnie Bell lip gloss. Well – that didn’t work – it just looked like I gave myself two black eyes….

So – the traditional eyeliner, mascara and blush with clear lip gloss it was…

I wasn’t quite the vision of loveliness I had pictured in my head – but a couple of beers at the bar helped with my confidence :-) By the end of the night – I was pretty sure I was the hottest girl at the bar (the beer goggles helped…a LOT)

Moral of the story: I need a make-over….BAD!

P.S. – enjoy the video!

Me and my closest friends from junior high!!

Comments

  1. You looked very pretty :)