Me, myself and I

I conquered a fear today.

No bungee cords were involved.

No rodents crawling all over me.

No eating unidentified parts of animals.

I went to the movies today…by MYSELF.

Now, to some, this is a ridiculous fear. But to me, I never in a million years thought I could do this.

Which is odd since I can eat at a restaurant alone – which to me – is far worse.

But there’s something about the movie experience in which I think you need to bring another person – you know – someone to slap on the shoulder when a funny part hits the screen or having someone boo hoo at all the right parts.

Today, though, I wanted to do this. I wanted to sit in a theater with just me. Just me and my thoughts. Just me and my laughter. Just me and my tears.

The hubs watched the World Cup yesterday with a buddy and today I got the chance for some “me” time.

I knew a few things:
– I didn’t want to go to the grocery store even though we desperately needed to. Because grocery shopping is an errand…

– I didn’t want to roam the mall and shop. Shopping these days has become more of a beating to me than a pleasure. The crowds, the tweens, the clothes that make me feel like a mutton dressed like lamb instead of young at heart….

I wanted to do something for me. Just me.

And I knew I wanted to see “Toy Story 3.”

But, I had to get over my fear of going to the movies alone. Fearful of someone pointing and laughing and thinking, “That girl’s got no friends.”

Here’s the deal – I gots people. I have a friend that did invite me to see it with her and her daughter. I have a husband who even offered to take me. I have another kid-less friend that wanted to go with me. I even have Iz – who if I really wanted – could bring and could be my beard – you know the disguise of – “I’m taking my daughter to see this!” When really…it’s me..

Instead, I decided to do it. Because, I wanted to go on my time, without worrying if the other person was enjoying the movie as much as me, without dealing with my one year old maniac child who doesn’t know how to sit still.

So, I did.

I bravely went up to the ticket counter and said “Just one, please.”

And the ticket lady didn’t bat an eye.

I got in line and even thought about moving to the back of the line where there were a bunch of Asians and just squishing myself in the group so that people would think I was with them and not alone.

But I didn’t – I stood in line – alone. In silence. No one to talk to. Just me and my thoughts.

It’s uncomfortable. The deafening silence of your own thoughts.

I sat in the back. Next to a family that was from Polynesia, Fiji, or Tongan. The waitress came by to take my order and asked if the check would be together – signaling to my brown brethren sitting beside me.

I looked at her, smiled sweetly, and said, “No. I’m not with them. It’s just me.”

Just me. I got to order what I wanted without seeing if Craig wanted to split an entree or have the peer pressure of ordering something of the similar calorie content as a friend – because yes – I succumb to peer pressure and sometimes order the salad instead of the burger – just because the friend orders something healthy….

The people watched. Didn’t take out my Iphone to FB, tweet, or email.

I just sat and waited for the movie to start. Just me.

My food came, the previews started…and the greatest movie of the year began.

And I laughed out loud. I “AWed” at the right parts. I cried – a lot. I held my breath during the moments of suspense. Yes people – the dang cartoon had it all.

The credits rolled and I got up from my chair, walked out of the theater, got in my car, and I smiled to myself.

It wasn’t a big deal. It was scarier in my head, being a bit self absorbed thinking that everyone would be talking about the poor, ole lady who has no friends to go to the movies with.

But, no one cared about me and didn’t pay attention.

It was just me.

And it was awesome.

As crazy as it seems – I felt refreshed after the 2 hour movie. I think it’s because I did something that was totally for me. Totally on my terms. Totally selfish in my world of selfless (aka life as a mom and wife…)

I’m planning another date to the movies with myself. The date was that good – I asked me for a second outing…

Comments

  1. Kristen says:

    YEAH for you. I have this fear too but I LOVE movies so I guess I'll just have to conquer it too!

  2. etphonehome21 says:

    Been there done that and LOVED it! And I ate an entire pizza by myself at said movie. I called my a loser when she did it once but being a loser is cool. :)

  3. I had to start going by myself once we moved to CO. I love movies, but Chris does not, plus we don't have a babysitter. I'm pretty used to it now. I put my purse in the seat next to me like someone is going to sit there, and then when the lights go out, no one notices. Plus I tell myself that a lot of people probably buy one ticket outside and then meet up with friends inside, haha! Congratulations on conquering a fear :)