Moving Mountains – Happy 6 months!

Today is a special day.

My Evan turns 6 months old today.

He’s been in our lives for a half a year.

Time flies.

There were many moments in the first few months where I wasn’t sure if we’d get to see this milestone.

I cringe at the thought.

There are moments, still, where all I do is pray that we’ll see our boy celebrate his 1 year old birthday.

I pray for birthday hats, streamers, balloons.

I pray for cake and ice cream, mountains of gifts, everyone singing loudly…a little off tune…but the song still sounding like the most beautiful melody out there.

As a Heart Mom, I’ve realized our wishes for our children don’t span very far.

My wishes for my boy are so different than what they are for Iz.

I pray differently for him than I do for her.

Please don’t see this as pessimistic…

Because my prayers, though seemingly simple and almost absolute for healthy children, are the spoken prayers on every Heart Mamas heart.

Until yesterday…I prayed differently for the both of them.

I understand that everyone’s eternity is only a heart beat away.  That fact was solidified in the horrible tragedy of the Colorado shootings.  Lives were taken in a senseless act.  Children were lost.  Parents are mourning.  People are seeking answers.

While my prayers for Evan are still very different – prayers for a successful open heart surgery, prayers for an uncomplicated and smooth recovery, prayers for healing, prayers for successful repairs on his cleft lip and palate…

I also pray for first words…first steps.

I pray that I get to witness these milestones like I witnessed the milestones my boy has reached so far in his first 6 months – first heart surgery, first (and second) heart catheters, successful recoveries….

First sounds of cooing, first sounds of laughter.

First bath, first time sitting in a high chair.

First foods – rice cereal (yuck), broccoli and peas (yum!), applesauce (yuck), avocado (yum!)….

Rolling over (just once…but it counts!).

Sitting up.

His pudgy hands touching my face over and over again…like he’s trying to tell me…”I know you love me.”

His legs kicking in excitement when he sees my face.

His smile without limits that brightens up my day…and almost anyone’s day…when I walk into the room.

I don’t remember praying for these things with Iz. I don’t remember relishing in the simple “firsts” I’ve experienced with Evan.

It’s not that I didn’t cherish my girl….they were just absolute for her.  There was no reason to pray for them nightly.  I prayed for first days of school, first loves, for her children and her children’s children.

For Evan…my heart longs to pray for those things too…but that fear – that is not of God – paralyzes me and has me wishing and praying for a future that is a little closer.

My heart is telling me to pray for those same firsts plus more…

And I finally did.

I can’t talk about my faith in God if I don’t walk in the promises he’s made me.

He’s promised me healing.  I will step out of my fear and start praying without limits.

Stop asking God for those “simple” prayers and start asking God to move mountains.

Because my Evan turns 6 months old today.  A milestone I wasn’t sure we’d reach.  A milestone so many Heart Moms who lost their Angel babies prayed for.  Those mother’s – mourning their children in this world – but knowing their children are finally healed.  A milestone so many of us consider just as great as battling through a surgery.

While so much is still left in the Hands of my Creator…we have been given 6 months of heartache, joy, struggles, accomplishments.

Today, I pray for those things in the not so distant future…first steps, first words, open heart surgery, recovery, cleft repairs.

But, today, realizing how time can be taken from anyone – anyone – at any moment – I also pray for those things I was fearful to pray for – first days of schools, first loves, for Evan’s children, and his children’s children.

Because today, as we celebrate my Evan’s 6 months birthday, and as little as it may seem to some, to us…God has already moved mountains.

Happy 1/2 birthday son.

Keep fighting.