Ouch

Ouch – can you feel it?

The pangs and the tugs?

You’ve felt it my fellow blog reader Mommy.

I feel it.

My heart kinda hurts today.

It’s the mix of all sorts of emotions – sadness, excitement, pride, fear…

My last blog post we talked about sleep training with Isabelle. It’s been tough – and I don’t want to jinx myself – but my sweet girl did great last night. The first couple of nights was rough – crying for hours on end – but last night – I listened as my baby girl woke up and talked herself back to sleep.

Craig has an early morning commute and is on the road by 6:15am. So, I normally move to the guest bedroom that is next door to the nursery and shut off the baby monitor so Craig can sleep. So for the past month – Isabelle has been getting up all hours of the night so I would move to the guest bedroom around 1am and listen for Isabelle.

She’d cry and want to nurse – so I’d pick up my sleepy baby, we’d go into the guest room and I’d nurse her.

The still of the night – just me and her. Just one dimly lit lamp shining on the curves of her face. I’d listen to her sweet sighs. I’d stroke her face, let her little hand wrap around my finger, tell her I love her – and sometimes she’d open her beautiful brown eyes – look up at me and give me a big smile.

With her reflux problems – the doctor told us to keep her upright for at least 30 minutes to an hour. So – after she nursed – I’d prop her up in her Boppy that was on the bed. I’d snuggle down into the sheet, lay my arms across her, and watch her sleep until the hour was up.

Just me and her…

I am proud of her. I am excited that we made it through the last few nights and now she is sleeping much better – without her binky and the strangler – er – swaddler…

She’s happier, more engaged, wants to play. She would rather be on the ground playing than in my arms. I can see it in her chubby little face that she’s learning and growing. And I am so proud….

But, I feel it. Ouch – I feel it.

It hurts my heart.

There are not enough hours in the day to love her. I get every second with her minus nap time and potty breaks 😀 I get to hold her as much as I want, love her til my heart feels like it’s going to burst… But, sometimes I want to take Father Time into a back alley and give him a good beating. We wake up to start our day and the next thing I know it’s time for bed. It’s too fast. She’s growing up too quickly.

And it hurts.

And it’s exciting.

And it’s sad.

And it’s wonderful.

And it hurts my heart.