Progress

Today at the grocery store, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while.  She’s been following Evan’s story and praying for us every step of the way.

We made small talk and then she asked the question, “How are things going?”

I’ll be honest…I loathe and fear this question.  It’s so broad…and I’m not quite sure how to answer it.  There are so many “things” going on.

Evan…

Iz…

Craig…

Me…

Me and Craig..

Etc..

Since she’s a good friend…I answered honestly…

“Everything’s going well…relatively speaking.  When Evan is doing well…things are good. Just taking it day to day.”

And you know what…I didn’t cry.

It’s not unusual for me to cry when talking about my life.  It’s a mixture of tears of joy, tears of fear, tears of frustration, tears of _______ (you fill in the blank…I’ve cried about it).

I’m making progress.

I’m making progress in a lot of places in my life.

1. Evan – As much as I think about the “what ifs” and the worst case scenarios for Evan, I really am enjoying him.  He is such a ridiculous joy.  He is so much happier than Iz ever was – Iz was a diva early on….  His spirit is contagious – his wide smile melts my heart every.single.day.  He makes Craig light up unlike I’ve ever seen him.  Every time Evan smiles at Iz…she exclaims, “Momma – look – he likes me!”  Even with the open heart surgery looming, the medications, the feeding pump, the spit ups, the doctor appointments, the therapy…I am incredibly thankful that God gave me Evan…broken heart and all.

2. Iz – she’s almost three.  When did that happen?  My little girl is an explosion of silliness.  She has an imagination unlike any other.  There isn’t a day that goes by that we aren’t searching for snakes, having a tea party, giving dolphins a bath…She is learning to push us to the land of  “Seriously, Kid?”  She is uber independent…but still loves her Mommy and Daddy.  She is a fantastic big sister.  Iz is everything I prayed for…compassionate, kind, tough..she’s my super star.

3.  Craig – he’s my rock. He’s the yin to my yang (does that sound dirty or what!!).  We have had our arguments – hey – it’s a stressful time.  But, he is so much more than I could have ever asked for in a husband.  I have learned to let him cope with things how he needs to and not interfere.  He makes me live in the moment, forces me to be thankful for today, reminds me that we don’t know what the future holds for anyone, and prays with me for another tomorrow.

4.  Me – I’m not a complete basket case 24/7…for now.  With Evan growing well and looking like the handsome boy he is, I find it a tad bit easier to take a breath.  I still worry over every little thing…don’t get me wrong.  I just really try and live in the moment.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t greet Iz, Evan and Craig like I haven’t seen them in months.  I cover my family with kisses, hugs and prayers every day.  I find joy in the smallest things – Evan sitting in his Bumbo, Iz saying her prayers before every meal, Craig letting me watch my reality shows without making fun of me…  I greet everyday like it’s Christmas morning – with excitement, gratitude, and humility.  I’m learning to let go of the anger and sadness I feel towards people in my life that have faded away since Evan has come into our lives.  I’m learning to stop blaming myself for their absence –  especially during our hospital stays, Evan’s surgery, and the darkest moment…when we almost lost Evan during recovery – trying  not to point the finger at myself for them not showing up when they said they would.  I’m thanking God for those that have stood vigil by our side during those moments, rejoicing with us now as we find normalcy at home, and welcoming our new normal into their lives as if nothing has changed…when really…everything has.

Progress..

I promised you pictures of Evan….and I promise to keep that promise.  My trusty laptop decided to have a breakdown of it’s own..so now we’re in the recovery process of getting all my precious pictures, documents, recipes…all of it…back.

If you are reading my blog for my weight loss journey, I plan on writing about it under the “Food” heading.  So, if you don’t care about reading about my Evan (shame on you 😉 ) but just want to join me on that journey…you can find it there starting today.