Response to Amy Glass

My response to an article that made my blood boil and heart sad.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/

Are you by any chance related to George Glass.

You know..the one from “The Brady Bunch?”

Because, I didn’t think people like you existed in this world…much like the elusive George Glass.

I’m naive though. And dumb.  I’m just  stay at home mom to my two kids.

Never mind one is medically fragile.

But, I’m sure you consider my medically fragile kid as a wart on this society. At least the society you long to be a part of…one where beautiful women do nothing but travel, have high powered jobs, and live for themselves.

Because, well, that is success.

I saw your profile picture…you ai-ght.

You probably have lots of dates but none of the men are good enough for you…I’m glad you don’t entertain the thought of marriage.

Because, in your book, that is a failure right?  It’s a woman’s way of saying, “Rescue me, oh dear prince!”

Funny thing is…marriage has been the hardest thing I’ve done to date (next to raise my sickly kid).

I have to choose every single day to make it work.  It requires more than clocking in at 8am and making deadlines.  This isn’t a commitment, it’s a covenant.

I do, however, lack the excitement you probably get with your revolving door of dates.

I kiss the same face everyday…as I have done for 10 years and probably will do for the next 70, 80, hopefully 90 years (I plan to live be as old as Mr. Burns).

My hero.

At the end of an exhausted day, my husband comes home to a woman that will listen to him, crack open a beer, and serve him a home cooked meal.

Every night he holds me and tells me he loves me…and means it.

When life gets hard…I don’t look for someone to help carry the load of the burdens because we share those burdens equally as we have done for the many moons we have shared.

Boring.

I love this part of your blog.

“Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.”

Dang girl.

Get it.

You are absolutely spot on.

I am not on equal footing with a woman that works and takes care of herself.

Because most days…I can’t even stand up on my own two feet from exhaustion.

I don’t just take care of me…I have to take care of my kids (or you would you prefer for me to refer to them as “life failures” – you just let me know what suits you best).

What if I told you I chose to leave medicine to raise my children?

What if I told you I left a self started business to care for my medically fragile son?

Is that weakness?

Is that not good enough as sitting in a conference room looking at a power point presentation or looking a computer screen filled with spread sheets and those fancy other applications – like Word Perfect or Office Live?

I get that my yoga pants aren’t as stylish as a fitted suit from NY and Co.

I get that my morning routine of coffee, breakfast, and Dora is not as exciting as an espresso withe NY Times.

But, it doesn’t mean what I’m doing isn’t work.

It also doesn’t mean that what my everyday looks like isn’t as challenging and mentally stimulating as someone who deals with TPS reports.


Excuse me while I toot my own horn (this, though, you should feel comfortable with…you do this well).

I have been told my some of the best minds in medicine that I have an understanding of the human body that rivals some of their colleagues.

I can discuss journal articles on medical advancements in the pediatric cardiology field as well as any physician out there.

Want to discuss the feeding difficulties of a child who has had countless intubations along with craniofacial reconstructions?

I got it.

What about how how the FDA regulates food and how bacteria growth in different temperatures effects how large grocers choose new product lines for their stores?

Or business plans for a restaurant?

Or business plans for a retail line?

Or business plans for a medical clinic?

Or the ins and outs of private insurance companies vs state funded medical plans?

And I can do all that while watching “Sesame Street,” stick a fresh, organic meal in the crock pot, iron my husband’s shirts, and wipe the noses of my 4 and 2 year old.

******I am flippin’ AWESOME!!!!*****

Here’s another little nugget I love…

“I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

Damn girl.

You are so spot on.

We – the ignorant women folk who choose to have kids and a husband – choose not to explain our “lack of real accomplishments” is because quite frankly…we feel like we are failing every day.

Truth.

We feel like the decisions we make from the mundane ones- like to what to pack in their lunch to the life altering ones like what open heart surgery should my son have next -are going to result in the wrong result. Thus failing.

Because, unlike the decisions you get to make everyday, “Espresso or capuccino,” “Brazillian wax or au natural,” “Pinot noir or pinot gris” – these decisions matter.

Our decisions matter.

Men…well…I’ve been married to one for awhile now…aren’t conditioned to “think stupid things” because often these decisions are made by the woman.

The mother (or in your language – the idiots).

The one who researches, and agonizes, and thinks and over thinks.  I’m not saying that all men are like this…but in my small, sad existence..it’s what I have experienced.

Because he trusts me.  We are a partnership.  Equals.

And honestly, I have a man that has said me to me, “You are better at this.”

The this being the decisions that matter.  Because our decisions cause a ripple effect in our children’s lives.

And he knows that his high powered job that his decisions may have major repercussions…but not life altering ones like the ones I have to make.

I am one of the fallen, Ms. Glass.

One of the ones who drank the Kool Aid in thinking that marriage and children are the next best thing.

But, know this…

I have stood on the steps of Big Ben and heard the chimes of its enormous clock.

I have strolled the streets of Paris and eaten delicious foods in her cafes.

I have “partaken” in the offering of Amsterdam and been shocked by the Red Light District.

I have worn parkas in the Alps.

I have laid my hands in prayer of those suffering in Asia.

I have taken temperatures, kissed boo boos, of the ill and downtrodden of those in the Philippines.

I have danced in the streets of the Caribbean and broken bread of those living in huts.

I have climbed mountains and seen sunsets in different time zones all over the world.

I have driven from California to Florida…and back again.

I have seen Broadway plays, walked the Five Points.

I have stood in front of our nation’s capital.

I have made deadlines.

I have stared at computer screens.

I have  listened to heart beats and made diagnoses.

I have lived.

Despite what you may say, ”

“The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality.

You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.”

I did those things when I had kids…and a husband.

That’s reality.

I don’t have the time, energy or freedom or mobility to live the life you think is “exceptional.”

Because in your world..I need to be absent of the two things that make my life extraordinary.

My husband and my children.

You are right, though.

“Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business.”

Women will never be as good as a man if we continue to look at our place in the home as equal. Wives and mothers alike – and our responsibilities at home – are not the same as being a doctor or engineer or building a business.

Truth be told…our jobs – women who choose family over big business – are not even in the same league.

We are the doctor.

We are the engineer.

We are managing businesses.

You just don’t see it that way.

Because you haven’t been asked to take on the responsibility of being a wife and a mother.

And I just don’t think you could hack it.

Nor do you deserve it.

*To my friends who choose not to have a husband or a child…yet…still see those women who choose to have one or both as equal to you…this does NOT pertain to you..just the narrow minded lady related to George Glass*

 

Comments

  1. YOU GO girl!go GIRL!!

  2. Chonnie Richey says:

    You’re f$ckin’ awesome…and you forgot to list your other accomplishment…you’re the fastest ball roller in the state of Texas…I love you little sister.

  3. Lisa Adkinson says:

    WOW! Good for you – and to toot my own horn, I own a business, run a non profit, had twins, lost my daughter 4 years ago and just survived ovarian and breast caner while working and raising my son WITH my husband!!!

    GO MOMS! We can anything we want – stay at home or those who also work outside of the home!