That’s it.

A few weeks ago….

“Isabelle, honey, you know that baby brother is sick.”

She looked at me, silent at first, then said, “Yeah.  Baby brudder is sick.”

 

I looked at Craig, again, with tears in my eyes, trying to find a way to get her to understand what was happening.  He looked back at me and just squeezed my hand.

“You know, when baby brother gets here, Mommy and Daddy will have to take care of him.”

 

Her eyes light up, “Yes.  And Tatay and Nana and Abuelo and Abuela will take care of me?”

 

Relief and sadness hit me – at least she is understanding a little. 

 

“That’s right!  But, we’ll pray very hard for your brother every day, ok?  We’ll pray for William.”

 

“Ok – Mommy – we’ll pray for Wiwwiam.”

 

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A week later…

“Iz – come on – it’s time for lunch!  Wash your hands and sit down at the table.”

My sweet girl runs to the table…excited about the gourmet meal in front of her.

“Yay!  I love peanut butter and jelly and square chips!” 

“Ok – let’s say our prayers.”

Her hands clasp tight and her eyes are shut and she begins with the prayer she says at every meal.

“God is great.  God is good. Let us thank Him for our food.”

Between bits of our meal, Craig and I talk about the usual stuff, sports, work, friends and family.  Iz is happily eating her meal when she suddenly asks, “Can we pray for brudder?”

I smile.  “Sure honey!  Let’s pray for William.”

Her little brow furrows and her perfect lips pout.  “No, no.  Not Wiwwiam.  Brudder.  Baby brother _________.”

I look at Craig a bit confused. 

“Sweetie – baby brother’s name is William.”

She is adamant.  “No, Momma.  His name is __________.”

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The next day at daycare…

“Hi Ms. Anna!  I have a question for you.  Does Isabelle have any friends in this class or in her new class named __________?”

Her teacher tells me there are no boys in the two classes with that name or that sound similar to it.

Where in the world was she getting the name?

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10:28 AM

Great…we’re going to be late to church again.  It’s like every week, we try our best to get to church on time and no matter what, we’re always late.

Iz, “Mommy…we going to church?”

Me, “Yes, Iz – we’re just running late.”

“Ok Mommy.  Let’s pray for baby brother. Ok? 

“Sure sweetie – go ahead.”

Her sweet little voice sounds like angels singing, “Thank you God for Jesus.  Thank you for baby brudder and his heart.  Thank you for _________.”

I looked at Craig.  Again…with the name ____________.

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Craig mentioned the name to me in passing one day – but never in front of Iz.  It was a name that I didn’t think twice about.  I knew that I had to name baby boy something special since he was such a special kid already.  I had always loved William – and the fact that I was royally obsessed with the William and Kate’s royal wedding – pretty much sealed the deal for me when I found out we were having a boy.  But as much as I love William – Craig liked it ok – but he never felt like it was his boy’s name.  And like all things in our household…I vetoed him and just decided on William one day…and Craig would just look at me and say…”We’ll see…”

Out of curiosity – I decided to look up the name that Isabelle was adamant on naming her brother. Now, this was the first legitimate name she had mentioned.  I mean…I really can’t name my kid “Elmo” or “sister” – her other name choices that she would randomly talk about.

I asked her again one day, “Hey Iz, what’s baby brother’s name?”

“Baby brudder?  It’s ______________.”

So off to the internet I went…typed in the name and found that it meant,

“God is gracious.  Young warrior.”

Speechless.  I looked at Iz and realized…this was his name.  It was perfect for our son and her brother.  Craig loved it.  I loved it.  Iz saved our marriage….

 

God is gracious.  Our warrior.  That’s his name.  That’s it.

EVAN.

God bless, our son, sweet baby Evan.

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So with less than a month away, I ask again to keep baby Evan in your prayers.  He needs to stay put for at least another 3 weeks so it gives him time to fatten up!   Babies tend to lose weight as soon as they enter the real world.  And with his cleft lip/palate and heart…he may lose weight which we don’t want since weight gain is critical for surgeries.

Pray that Evan stays strong, grows big, and he is able to transition to breathing on his own, his heart pumping on his own, and his organs functioning.  It’s the little things that are now huge to us – breathing, going to the bathroom, reflexes…all the things we don’t think about and take for granted on a minute to minute basis.

Pray for Craig and I as we still struggle with the everyday questions of “why our son” and the surreal state of being parents to a child with special needs.

Pray for a safe delivery for Evan and I.  I’m going to try and get him out the old fashioned way…and not a c-section as planned.  I chose this to give him the chance to come into this world slowly and allow his lungs to acclimate and for me to be able to recover more quickly so I can be with him and Craig sooner than after a c-section.  My OB and pediatric cardiologist has assured and reassured us that a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearan) is safe for him.  But, of course, if it comes down to it, a c-section will be fine for him too.

Pray for a smooth transition for big sister Iz.

Pray for healing, for miracles, for God to take away my worry, my fear, my doubts.

And ultimately – for God’s will to be done and for us to be able to glorify His name through this journey.

Thanks friends.

– Craig, Czarina, Isabelle and Evan 🙂

Comments

  1. Praying for you & Evan (or Elmo – still hoping you might come around). Love you!

  2. Praying for all of you!

  3. I love it! Many prayers for your family and baby Evan.

  4. Ongoing prayers your way Czarina for your amazing family that is filled with such love and amazing strength. Baby Evan is SO lucky to be a part of your family. Thoughts and prayers~

  5. Praying for all of you. Love his name.

  6. Ahhh out of the mouths of babes! They ARE the ones who have been in heaven the most recently. So I’m so glad she has known her baby brother there, knows his name, and that you were intune with the Holy Spirit enough to recognize her gift to you.
    Continued prayers for your sweet little family. {{{{hugs}}}}

  7. God works in mysterious ways and what a perfect way to hear the name Evan than through the lips of that sweet angel girl! We love you Izzy and can’t wait to meet your baby brudder Evan!!

  8. Catherine Rauh says:

    Love love love his name Czarina! Sending lots of love and more prayers your way.