Then and now…

Words and phrases are so different now that I have a baby

Then: Pre-baby
Now: Post war – erm – Post BABY :-)

“Run to the store”

Then: Leisurely get into the car without a list and head over to the store. Peruse each aisle, throw whatever your heart’s desire into the cart – head over to the check out lane – oops – forgot an item – no biggie – stroll back and get whatever you forgot.

Now: With the baby – time it with the nap, it takes 7.2 minutes to get to the store, 1.3 minutes to get her in the stroller – and she takes an hour nap…so you have about 20 minutes to get your laundry list of items in 10 minutes (the other 10 minutes you’re messing with the binky and trying to shut – ummm – quiet the crying baby) – decide you need to just get the necessities – diapers are a must – the baby can no longer wear your super absorbent Always pads, frantically run from aisle to aisle – decide Nutella is a must have, tell the check out guy just to throw everything in as few bags as possible, run out the door with the baby that’s screaching at a decibel level that dogs are now turning their heads, pack the car with the groceries, drive home and breathe a sigh of relief…sh!t – forgot the diapers….oh well – you bought Brawny papertowels – that’ll do til tomorrow

“I have nothing to wear.”

Then: nothing is quite tight enough to show off your taut stomach and perky boobies – but you have a closet full of couture that will do for the night out at the bar

Now: um – nothing fits. For whatever reason – your body doesn’t get that you already HAD the baby – and your hips are still wide enough for your baby to moonwalk through, your boobies are large and in charge, you’re still holding onto about 5 lbs of baby weight in places where you didn’t think you could gain weight, shirts are stained with spit up, laundry hasn’t been done in over a week…yoga pants and nursing tank it is :-(

“Breasts”

Then: toys

Now: tools

“Blowout”

Then: ridiculous party fully equipped with kegs, trashcan punch, and jello shots to boot!

Now: diaper explosion of #2 that gets everywhere but in the diaper

“Getting ready”

Then: throw on Britney, pop open a Miller Light or pour yourself a glass of Merlot, soak in the tub, shave your legs, wash, dry, and fix your hair, carefully apply your makeup and coordinate your eye shadow to match your outfit – and still have at least 20 minutes til you have to leave and it only took you 45 minutes from start to finish!

Now: stick the baby in the bouncy, put the bouncy on the bathroom floor as you shower, sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” as you shower in under 2 minutes – dry off quickly – nurse the baby, down for a nap – dry your hair — crap baby’s crying – run and pop the binky back into her mouth, finish drying your hair — start your makeup – get half your face done when the baby is awake and is ready to be entertained – feed the thing and play with it — down for nap #2 — finish the second half of your face — binky popped out again! — find something to wear — yoga pants and nursing tank it is — baby wakes up –rinse and repeat…all of this in only 5 hours…

Late night

Then: You closed down the bar, now you’re heading over for a quick bite at a cute diner, hear of a house party and head out once again til dawn…

Now: The baby was up every hour on the hour – again…for the 5th week in a row and your baby is only 4 weeks old…

“Hot meal”

Then: What I’d eat at dinner

Now: non-existent

“7 hours of sleep”

Then: a normal night

Now: a normal week

Life was good then…but it’s much better now :-)

Comments

  1. LUV IT!!!!!! Oh so true!!!! Isn't it funny how it's all worth it :)

  2. etphonehome21 says:

    Will you be my best friend? You are so funny!!! And sadly this isn't funny but our new life.