Today it’s your birthday!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My eye’s popped open.  Panic.

I leaned over and put my hand on Evan’s chest.

It was moving up and down.  A little rapid – but moving.

He squirmed from the disturbance of his deep sleep.

I took a harder look – he looked ok – pink still. 

The oxygen monitor had given me the BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! warning that his oxygen levels were too low.

“Is he ok?” Craig asked me.  He walked in to the bedroom – sleepy. 

“He’s ok – I think.” I told him. 

We had just been on the phone with his cardiologist a couple hours earlier.  All day, Evan hadn’t been himself.  His oxygen was lower than normal for him.  It would dip to numbers that made our hearts sink. 

“Ok – just let me know if his levels stay low.”  And Craig walked out of the room.

I laid my head down.  Looked at Evan.  Looked at the door that just shut and whispered, “Happy birthday, honey.”

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It’s his birthday today.

The man of my life.  The man I ask to lead our family.  The man that wakes at 5am to make his commute to work so that he can get home before 5pm to spend time with his family.

The man that is the wiper of tears, the kisser of boo boos, the hero to our Isabelle.

He stops what he’s doing to the sound of, “Daddy – will you play with me?”  He puts aside his work – whatever he’s doing – to search for snakes, to dance in the living room, to read about princesses.

He makes the best peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  He can make a mean frozen pizza.

He takes over night feedings on the weekends to give this tired Mama a break.

He walks in the door from work, gives me a kiss, and picks up his sick son and holds him most of the night because – well – “he’ll just cry if I put him down.”

He’s the man that held my hand at the birth of our daughter.

He’s the man that reassured me at the birth of our son.

He was constant support, optimist, leader in faith as we watched our son struggle in the hospital.

He was Evan’s advocate in the first minutes of his life.

He is still Evan’s advocate and best buddy for the rest of life.

He’s the man I have loved for over half my life.

He’s the man I prayed for but never feel like I deserve.

He’s my best friend.

And today – despite our life – the situation we’re in – the two year old tantrums, the future we’re not sure of for our son, the marriage that is full of stress yet still full of love – I pray that his birthday is still a happy one.  Because today – is my favorite day of the year.

Happy birthday, Craig.

You’re everything, I never knew, I always wanted.