Be afraid, be very afraid….

When we brought Isabelle home from the hospital – I remember holding her in my arms and loving her tiny little hands, her tiny little feet, her sweet newborn cries, the new car smell that comes with all babies.


I am holding on to those memories as much as I can. I am blaming my soon to be 30 year old brain on the fact that I am slowly starting to forget how small she felt in my arms, how sleepy she used to be all the time, and when her cries were not ear piercing-traffic-stopping-a-stranger-wants-to-call-CPS – on me cries.


I remember seeing other babies who were around 4-6 months older than Isabelle when we first started Stroller Strides. I remember looking at them thinking – “I just can’t imagine Iz being that big!”

And now she is.

She’ll be 6 months on Saturday – no more newborn, no more saying “I just had a baby”, no more saying it’s “baby weight” (all that extra poundage is now cake ball weight)….I have an infant.

And now – I look at her and I can’t imagine her being 1 year old. A toddler. A little mini human that will soon walk and talk. I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready to let go of my baby girl who is rolling, sitting up, babbling. I’m not sad that she’s going to be a toddler soon. I am afraid. I am VERY afraid.

Toddlers are a different animal. They have no fear.

What I believe goes on in their little, toddling minds

“What’s that? A light socket….looks like fun!”

“Knife. Sharp. I want to hold it while running.”

“Trash and toilet…that looks like good places to play.”

“Yum….I want the brown pile my dog just left in the grass and I want to eat it.”

“Color – no, not paper – floor, wall…”

“Mine. Mine. Mine.”

I joke that I’m going to make Isabelle wear a helmet and knee pads when she starts to start walking. I joke. I try to joke. I am serious.

The toddling things have no flippin’ fear. They climb on objects far from the ground – and if you’re lucky – that object is on concrete or wood floors.

There are constant power struggles between two toddle creatures – “I had the toy. NO I had the toy…NO I had the toy.”
All I hear is “wah, wah, wah…” and just start breaking out into a cold sweat. Fearful for my life. Forget Iz – she’ll be fine – but me – I’m going to have to start learning to chill out..


Yeahhhhhh riiiiiight…..that’s not gonna happen. But I have to make it happen. I’ve tried to be the cool, calm, collected parent when Iz falls over, bumps her head on the floor or the wall. I’ve tried to be the parent that just yells over cries and whining – knowing that those two things are just going to amplified as she gets older…louder, LOUder, LOUDER!!

But, I always resort to yelping like a maniac in fear that her episodes of toppling over are going to cause some sort of permanent damage. Through tears I hold her, rock her, try to soothe her after she hits her head….and then I look down at her and she’s laughing, babbling, and wiggling out of my warms to try and sit up again…to fall over once more…it’s a game to her. No fear…it’s beginning….

Breathe. Breathe.

It’s going to be ok. I’ll just wrap her in bubble wrap, make her wear a helmet, and keep her in a room with nothing but carpet on the floor and mattresses for walls. Her own bounce house…she’ll dig it.


  1. The LaCour's says:

    It's Crazy how fast they grow! It's awesome when they argue with you all day refusing to eat ANYTHING until you give them some chocolate milk. But then when they say "love you momma", it just about makes up for it!

  2. Leslie VanSant and April and Taylor Kate are coming down in January you should come with them. You and Iz are more than welcome to stat at our house when we try to relive our ZTA years!

  3. etphonehome21 says:

    All of these feeling must have crept up after you had 10+ toddlers running around your house on Monday… I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's way easier to when they are babies. 🙂

  4. Colette and The Chickenwings says:

    Czarina! I love reading your blog. You're so cute and fun…still! Don't worry about your sweet baby girl growing up. It happens and it is bittersweet, but look for and try to enjoy the upsides of toddlerhood–like growing confidence and self-pride kiddos find in learning new things (even if some of them may be to mommy's dismay!) She'll still love you and think you're the greatest thing in the universe, but now she'll even be able to tell you and show you in ways a newborn can't. But, if you're like me, you'll still cry on every birthday and think, "Where did my little baby go?!? Time is flying by too fast." Now we better understand what pain we put our parents through when we decided to grow up against their wishes. :o) Isn't being a mom the best?

  5. Ashley Coleman says:

    I have no doubt that you will keep that angel safe as can be and she will come out of the toddler stage with no scratches on her and you will still have your sanity:)

  6. That sounds just like Hunter's toddler stage so far. I am always worried, too. I'm panicking about him going to my sister's house tonight and not being watched every second when he's on the stairs. Having a toddler is a little crazy, but at the same time it is so wonderful that they can actually talk to you and try to help out with things. I couldn't wait until Hunter could say "I love you" back to me at night. Now he does, and it just makes up for everything else somehow.