Dear wife,

It’s Valentine’s Day.

Craig and I don’t celebrate this holiday.

We used to…our first one was a disaster.  He didn’t really understand that romance was not found in a little Mexican restaurant that shared the same parking lot as the Super Walmart.  (Anyone remember Floresitas?)

So, we decided to give up the holiday.

But, my Iz loves it.  She loves the heart, loves the chocolate, loves the card making…all of it.

So, we celebrate it again. We mainly just make cards for each other and eat lots of chocolate – brownies, candy, cake – winning!

Today, though, as I sit in the kitchen and Dora is in one room and Sophie the First in the other, a pile of laundry piled high in the bedroom, toys everywhere…I realize there isn’t much more that could possibly shout “love” than a house that is full of life of the everyday.

I look in on Evan…and that tightening of my chest as anxiety rushes up hits me again.  Surgery is in 10 days.  And the feeling is suffocating.

I have done something different lately….probably something I should have been doing from the get go…I pray for something specifically over Evan when that worry hits.

My boy is sitting happily with his blankies on the floor, trying to put together his Legos, and watching his beloved “Dora” for the umpteenth time.

My tears rise up…but not today.

Today…I pray for love…today I pray big for my son.

Dear future Wife,

You are going to do something incredibly special today.  Today you are going to join a covenant with my son.

Today you are going to promise to love him, honor him, forsake all others.

Today you are going to promise to stand by him for richer and for poorer.

Today you are going to promise to stand by him in sickness and in health.

I have prayed for you since Evan was a baby.  I have prayed for this day because this day means that the surgeries he endured worked.

I prayed for you because that means he found someone that loves him unconditionally.

I prayed for you because you saw past his scars on his face and his chest and saw the unblemished, bit of perfection God blessed this life with.

I prayed for you because you know about his very special heart and all that he (we) endured and still want to promise “through sickness and in health.”

I prayed for you because you are going to experience love with a person that is brave.  That is strong. That knows what it is like to battle through adversity and come out the other side better than whatever tried to take him down.

I prayed for you because you encompass every prayer I ever prayed over him.

For his health.

For his spirit.

For his life.

There were many moments in his life that I didn’t know if we would get to this day.

There were moments where time stood still – I was paralyzed in fear, in worry, in the unknowns of his journey.

But, today…time will stand still.  It will stand still for a moment as I watch his face when he sees you – his beautiful bride – march down the aisle.

It will stand still has I watch the both of you exchange your vows…in front of people that have prayed for this day, too and with a God that has beautifully orchestrated every moment.

It will stand still because I don’t want to miss a moment of this day that will bring us full circle to every prayer that has been showered over “our” best guy.

I hope today, you know, how important you are.  How much you are loved.  How you have been prayed for and will continue to be prayed for.

You and Evan chose each other.

You made the choice to look past each flaw, each shortcoming.

You will make that choice every day for the rest of your lives.

Today, begins a new journey for him.

I took care of his heart and will continue to be here for him and for you if you need me.

But today, I am so happy that you are taking the heart that I cared for for all these years….and taking it into your own.

My love, 

Czarina (you can call me mom)